Saturday, June 13, 2009

The People's Quiz!

Current Events Quiz for Everyone Who Can't Win Voo's Quiz About German Saboteurs Even Though They Spent 30 Minutes Trying to Find it on Google:

OK, this scary guy was sentenced this week to life in prison for murder. Who is he and what is he famous for?

1. A Ducks Unlimited sponsor who killed too many ducks.
2. An exiled Russian count who murdered his maid because she hid all of his wigs.
3. Our long lost cousin Steve Tucker, who effectively has murdered all of his relationships with other Tucker family members.
4. Phil Spector, record producer, who murdered a young girl by shooting her in the mouth.

Answer: 4. Phil Spector is famous for creating the "Wall of Sound" production technique that was very famous in the late 50's and 60's, especially with many girl groups from that era. Some of the famous artists he worked with are Ike and Tina Turner, John Lennon and George Harrison and at one point the Ramones. He actually produced one of my favorite Ramones albums, End of the Century. However, he is a real dirtbag and a killer. The picture below is Phil with one of his many wigs. I hope he rots in hell.

Phil Spector: Asshole

Jack Jones: Welcome to Planet Earth mister!

This cute little son of a gun was born on Sunday to Sarah and Brett and he could not be cuter. Apparently he has even started to respond to hammers and screwdrivers as Brett holds them in front of his face. He will probably grow up to build weird shit like his dad. So....

How many hours was Sarah in labor and which pain numbing procedure will she crave for the rest of her life?

1. She snorted coke off of the bed pans prior to giving birth and kept yelling at Brett, "Hey Daddy-O! How about a little help here!!!" as she gave birth in a quick 30 minutes.
2. She was in labor just 90 minutes after Randy Griffin brought in his favorite bong and they took bong rips for two hours before Jack was born.
3. Uncle Voo came by and they did Jack Daniels shots for 3 hours and then she gave birth in a zippy 15 minutes. Wee!!
4. She was in labor 3 hours and was so thankful for the epidural that she wants one every day, not only for herself, but for her parents and siblings because it not only made her feel good, it made everyone else seem so much cooler.

Answer: 4. Epidurals rule!

Combined IQ: 7

The two lovely people above have one thing in common:

1. They both have read exactly one book each and that book is, coincidentally, George W. Bush's favorite book, My Pet Goat.
2. They are famous for being on a reality TV show called Americans are Really Gullible and Will Watch Anything Even a couple of Ass Clowns like Us.
3. They just left another reality TV show called I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here! which is basically like watching scorpions kill each other but not as interesting.
4. They are both trapped in a marriage so fake, transparent and soulless that it makes Jon and Kate's marriage look like a sweet fairy tale.

Answer: 3 and 4. The two people of questionable talent are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who became famous for being on The Hills. They have no talent except the talent to appear to have a life everyone wants and so people watch them because we are a celebrity obsessed nation and one day we will pay dearly for our transgressions. May they both rot in hell.

I got you babe...and you too!

Chastity Bono made an announcement this week. What was it?

1. That she still will not take up skiing (Sonny Bono, I'm sorry buddy, I know that was in poor taste. Still funny though!).
2. That she loves black western shirts like Johnny Cash and will wear them every day for the rest of her life.
3. That she is going to change her sex from female to male and be known as Chaz Bono.
4. That even though her mother Cher made 54 (!!!) albums since 1965, and even though no one can remember the title of one of her songs except the hit with Sonny when they had their variety show, except that one called Believe, Chastity still loves her very much wishes her mom all best with her next round of plastic surgery.

Answer: 3. Chastity will undergo her sex transformation operation next month and will emerge as Chaz Bono, the Hero of the Transgendered.

Am I the lamest person alive? YOU BETCHA!!!

Sarah "I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles...holy crap, there's Russia!" Palin is mad at David Letterman. What did he say that made her mad?

1. That her husband Todd is actually cool and that she sucks like no other.
2. Dave mentioned that all the money she spent on clothes during her campaign had to be given back, with receipts, and that the only way for her to compete against Michelle Obama's sterling fashion sense would be for Michelle Obama not to exist.
3. That while she was in town and attending a Yankees game, Alex Rodriguez knocked up one of her daughters during a break in the game.
4. Dave said, "Sarah, if you wink at me one more time I will have my pet crow Horrorshow peck your eyes out."

Answer: 3. Dave said this in his opening monologue and meant it for her oldest daughter Bristol, who was knocked up by Levi, the hockey player, but now they have broken up. Actually in town with Sarah was her younger daughter Willow and Sarah has now used this sliver of news as another reason to shove her smug, idiotic mug right back into the face of mainstream media and into our homes. Sarah, I seriously hope you rot in the lower rings of hell.

This band has a steadfast rule: wear a hat, show your tummy or you're out of the band chump!

The Black Eyed Peas had their first No. 1 hit record this week. What is it called and what kind of music is it?

1. The song is called Please Lower Your Expectations (While I Lower My Pants) and the music is the heaviest black metal imaginable.
2. The song is called Lazy Day (Don't Put the Joint Away) and it is a reggae inspired R&B slow jam.
3. The song is called Bottle Rocket (Get Your Hand Out of My Pocket) and it is a country western tune.
4. The song is called Boom Boom Pow and it is a minimalistic dance number with inane lyrics, weird verses and really bad rapping.

Answer: 4. You can turn on your radio now and hear it. It will be there. It is ALWAYS there.

I need a facial from Jil!!

This is a soccer player named Ronaldo. He is dating a very famous person. Who is he dating and if they have kids, will they be as cute as Jack Jones or Monet Rowan?

1. He is dating Adam Lambert and they will adopt a very cute kid from Brazil but this kid will not be as cute as Jack or Monet.
2. He is dating Chastity Bono and is now super pissed that she will become a dude and that they won't be able to have kids.
3. He is dating David Beckham and they will order Posh Spice to have their kids for them and they will be ok looking but still won't compare to Monet or Jack.
4. He is dating Paris Hilton and they will have kids that are ugly little shits with ugly little personalities and bad acne.

Answer: 4. Paris and Ronaldo, have fun rotting in hell with Phil Spector, Heidi and Spencer and Sarah Palin.


  1. Dwele is awesome! This is right up my ally Phil. I will definitely be adding this to my pod. Thanks for the introduction.

  2. Philly! Thanks for the shout out to little Jack and to my epidural...know where I can get one on a Sunday afternoon? It was great having you and Gabe along for the contraction ride...I think you were smart to leave when you did!

  3. Best post EVER!!! I loved it all..your quizzes totally rock because you can find out the answers immediately (even after I got 90% of them right..would you have expected anything less?) You really should be writing for a living..I think you could make it really really you!

  4. I like your quizzes as well, with answers,as I am just too tired to take a test these days..unless it involves nurse stuff...but I don't qualify for that either, as I don't have a pair of those while oxfords.
    You really should submit one of your critiques to Rolling Stones magazine. They need some new blood.
    Keep writing and reading...two of the best things in life!

  5. I cannot get rid of that brett.sarah.blogspot thing.
    Please advise!

  6. am trying to get be brett.sarah.blogspot out of my comments. Sarah has been helping, so we will see if this works!
    In the meantime, remember, it doesn't matter how good your golf game is, as long as you can barely use a left handed club, and guess the yardage of the bear! Sounds pretty easy to me.

  7. Well, guess that didn't work. I will let her know and she can start over. I don't haave a clue what to do!

  8. now i am anonymouns..guess that is ok, as I can send anything I want to.
    Crazy commputers anyway. How do they work?