Monday, August 10, 2009

Canada Day 1: It's like America but different

I am traveling in Canada this week with my new job and we just finished our first workshop. All of 10 people showed up but four purchased our software which I am told is a pretty good sales ratio for our product. The Canadian people are very nice and very attentive to our every need (no, I have not visited a Canadian massage parlor, I'm just referring to the hotel folk and the restaurant folk).

What is weird about Canada is everything looks exactly the same as any other place in the States but all the names are different. Instead of a TJ Maxx, they have a Zellers. Instead of a Big O, they have a Canadian Tire. Instead of bacon, they have um, let me see, oh yeah: Canadian Bacon! However, the food here sucks. The water sucks. And, because the water sucks, the coffee sucks. So three strikes against our Northern friends so far on the dietary side.

The landscape is flat. Since we are in the Alberta province, on the south side, it is freakin' flat out here. I mean Nebraska-flat. I have been on the Banff side which is beautiful and mountainous. This scenery is like Wizard of Oz with no wizard, no Toto, no awesome Tin Man and plenty of windy, windswept flatland.

Not too great.

I am traveling with my Sales Manager who is a very cool guy. We have to share a room and when he saw all of Costanza's beauty products, courtesy of my wife the Master Esthetician, he thought I was super, duper gay or at least a flaming metrosexual. But, he calmed down once he got to know me. Now, he wants to know what my skin care regimen is so he can look super fine, like yours truly.

I also asked him his pet peeves and he said, with no hesitation, "Don't touch me." I said ok. And he then augmented this with, "I mean, don't put your hand on my shoulder, on my back, on my arm or try to get my attention in some way that involves touching. I'm not homophobic, just don't like to be touched."

So friends, here I am in Canada, with crappy food and water, touching myself!!!
More later.


  1. Oil Can will let you touch him. He likes to be touched. There are certain places on his body that he really likes to be touched......