Sunday, January 31, 2010

Grammy Post 3: Best Rock Album (8:35 to 9:15)

U2 will win Best Rock Album because they are at the top of their game. But, they don't! Green Day wins it which is weird. Because U2 really did have an amazing year including their huge tour. Billie Joe is now going to have shots with Kings of Leon. I would seriously do anything to have a shot with all of those guys. That would be a shot that immediately goes into my legendary Shot Hall of Fame. Included in this shot Hall of Fame is a shot I took with Little Ricky in Moab a year ago. The shot was vodka and the dispensing unit was a warm water bottle from the Wolf. It was the shot heard around Moab for sure.

LEON RUSSELL ALERT!!!! Now the Grammys really are the shizz-nit. He looks pretty good considering he looked basically the same forty years ago except without the white beard and hair. And now I need to hear more Zac Brown because I really like his voice. Oh, here was Leon Russell back in the day:

Where did this Zac Brown guy come from? I like him. I really mean he might usher me into a new phase of my musical life. I can't believe I'm saying this but I am looking forward to hearing more Zac Brown.

Are we really only halfway through now? Not sure I can make it all the way.

Third Screwdriver...secured! On we go!!

Taylor Swift is now performing. Listen closely to her voice. It is not good. It is bland. Bleh. Cool guitar though. Some kind of pearl inlay on the neck. She doesn't have as good a voice as an American Idol reject. Oh, and now a Fleetwood Mac cover with....Stevie Nicks!!! Let's compare voices, shall we? The song is Rhiannon, of all songs. Good luck Taylor. Here we go...

Oh Taylor, you are awful. I really like you because you seem very nice and sincere. But that voice is horrible. Stevie is wondering how the hell she got talked into this debacle. If Stevie and Taylor's voices were tennis rackets, Taylor would have an old wooden racket made by Wilson back in 1974 and Stevie would have a brand new, shiny Wilson racket that Roger Federer just used to kick Andy Murray's butt in the Australian open earlier today.

MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE: This Is It. We must pause now to fully take in the tribute of Michael. But, I don't have my 3D glasses on and it looks horrible. Why didn't someone tell me I needed my 3D gear! What am I missing? Smoky Robinson in 3D? How cool could that be? How awful could that be? The song they are singing is killer--good job Michael. But the 3D aspect is now lost and the song is over. What more enhanced experience could I have had? Damn you Grammys!!!

Prince Jackson. You sound like you are a very old person. Hopefully, you will have a good and healthy life. Good job. Now Paris...and she's done.

UPCOMING HAIR NATION ALERT!!! BON JOVI IS COMING UP!!! YES!!! I'll bet it doesn't surprise anyone that right now, if you were riding in my Xterra, you could reach back to the pocket behind the passenger seat, pull out my CD case, and you would find a CD. That CD would be Bon Jovi's, "Slippery When Wet". You could then put that CD in and completely shake your business to the best butt rock ever recorded. As anyone who has spent time with me can attest, I love a good, simple, goofy pop song. Bon Jovi does this kind of music better than almost anyone. But, what song will they sing? The anticipation is killing me.

Bon Jovi the main guy looks great. Richie Sambora, the guitarist, looks a little beaten up. Here they are back in the day:

Pretty 'effin' sweet: Bon Jovi

Now they are playing the biggest hit of their career: Livin' on a Prayer. Go get 'em John. I love you and your tight Jersey pants. However, they basically played a chorus and a verse. Lame.

PREDICTION: I believe things are going to go badly for Rhianna. She has a new album and it's selling and she has moved beyond Chris Brown. But, she has an aura about her that just screams disaster. I don't know why but we will be reading about her in a car wreck/overdose/lover death quarrel in the near future.

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