GABE'S RANT OF THE WEEK: Friend drama
COSTANZA'S SPIN CLASS IS BREAKING HIS SPIRIT
First of all, winter blows. It forces you to make choices that you wouldn't make if the sun was out. One of these decisions involves going to the gym and participating in an hour long spin class. My Thursday night spin class at 7pm with Robert sucks. Big time. Here's why:
- He has no enthusiasm. If you are a wannabe spin class instructor (like Bionic Wolf), the first quality you have to have is some energy or at least pretend to be happy to be there. Robert sucks big time because you can tell he would rather be parking his hairy, fat ass on the sofa for another round of American Idol. Or that could be me. Anyway, he brings nada to the excitement table.
- He is not in shape. His front porch is bigger than mine even. It hangs over his tight black shorts and sits there, wandering around on the tops of his legs each time he pedals up and down. It moves around like jello. His effort when spinning is so weak that it does not get anyone interested in wanting to push themselves. He has confessed to everyone in the class that he only works out once a week--at spin class. Yay.
- His voice. It's weak and feeble and when he speaks into the microphone, it sounds like he doesn't really want you to push yourself up some invisible, daunting mountain that you can envision with your eyes closed. His voice really conveys this sentiment: if you want to go ahead and nap while my large gut and I wheeze away up here in front of you, go ahead.
- Finally, HIS MUSIC SUCKS. BIG TIME. Who wants to spin to the Bond Girls? They play violins with an electronic beat behind them. Awful. He plays their whole stinking album. Brutal. He finishes up each class with Enya. Oh goody. Let's get all stretchy to the lamest new age artist to ever fog a mirror.
Robert, I pray for sun so I don't have to suffer through your horrendous class any more. Go see my wife now and get your back waxed.
BLOWN SPEAKER UPDATE:
This cat is easy...like Sunday morning, baby.
This guy showing what we all know: cats = demon seed
Dude, pinned in 3 seconds. No contest.
Smokey reading Costanza's blog.
Shadow listening to The Eagles, in complete shock at how bad they are.
Would you like to meet my little friend? Hmmm?
I hate Mike and Ike. Where are the Junior Mints?
And, Merry Christmas to all...from Psycho Kitty