Beauty Tip from Jil: MALES ONLY; Gabe's Rant; Phil's Spin Class sucks; Blown Speaker Update; Stuff on Cats

JIL'S BEAUTY TIP OF THE WEEK: Nose Hair Maintenance for Men

First of all, make sure you use a professional for all your nose hair needs. You should have your nose hair waxed every 4-6 weeks, depending on how fast your nose hair grows. It is an easy and quick service that has little to no pain involved, unlike plucking hair from your nose. What I do is use a hard wax that is placed inside the nose, while warm, with a stick. Once the wax dries, after about one minute, then the stick is pulled out with the wax and the hair. In between visits, if you need to trim, use sterile, small scissors. By the way, your lady friend/wife/mistress/spouse does not like looking up into your nose full of hair. Get my drift?

GABE'S RANT OF THE WEEK: Friend drama

Kayden is drama because I'm inviting his brother Landon to LA for a trip and Kayden knows this. He doesn't BMX or skateboard but his brother does both. He would be totally bored if he went. So, he comes up to me and I've done so many nice things for him and he treats me like crap and blames everything on me. Today he came up to me and, well, first, Victoria, his friend, came up to me and said, "Kayden wants to talk to you." I said, "I'm in the middle of a basketball game." And then I went over there after recess and talked to him and he said he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore and never come over to his house again. I didn't really say anything because that's not fair to me, at all. He's causing WAY too much drama and I think he's jealous of his brother coming with me. I'm kind of sick of him. My dad is going to have to go over there sometime to talk to their Mom and set up the trip and I don't want to have him come bursting out of the room and have a fit and then have his Mom tell Landon he can't go on the trip and ruin the whole thing for me.

COSTANZA'S SPIN CLASS IS BREAKING HIS SPIRIT

First of all, winter blows. It forces you to make choices that you wouldn't make if the sun was out. One of these decisions involves going to the gym and participating in an hour long spin class. My Thursday night spin class at 7pm with Robert sucks. Big time. Here's why:

• He has no enthusiasm. If you are a wannabe spin class instructor (like Bionic Wolf), the first quality you have to have is some energy or at least pretend to be happy to be there. Robert sucks big time because you can tell he would rather be parking his hairy, fat ass on the sofa for another round of American Idol. Or that could be me. Anyway, he brings nada to the excitement table.
• He is not in shape. His front porch is bigger than mine even. It hangs over his tight black shorts and sits there, wandering around on the tops of his legs each time he pedals up and down. It moves around like jello. His effort when spinning is so weak that it does not get anyone interested in wanting to push themselves. He has confessed to everyone in the class that he only works out once a week--at spin class. Yay.
• His voice. It's weak and feeble and when he speaks into the microphone, it sounds like he doesn't really want you to push yourself up some invisible, daunting mountain that you can envision with your eyes closed. His voice really conveys this sentiment: if you want to go ahead and nap while my large gut and I wheeze away up here in front of you, go ahead.
• Finally, HIS MUSIC SUCKS. BIG TIME. Who wants to spin to the Bond Girls? They play violins with an electronic beat behind them. Awful. He plays their whole stinking album. Brutal. He finishes up each class with Enya. Oh goody. Let's get all stretchy to the lamest new age artist to ever fog a mirror.

Robert, I pray for sun so I don't have to suffer through your horrendous class any more. Go see my wife now and get your back waxed.

BLOWN SPEAKER UPDATE:

Still blown. Misery.

STUFF ON CATS: Alright, people check it out. The perfect use for a dormant cat is...putting random stuff on it!

This cat is easy...like Sunday morning, baby.

This guy showing what we all know: cats = demon seed

Dude, pinned in 3 seconds. No contest.

Smokey reading Costanza's blog.

Shadow listening to The Eagles, in complete shock at how bad they are.

Would you like to meet my little friend? Hmmm?

I hate Mike and Ike. Where are the Junior Mints?

And, Merry Christmas to all...from Psycho Kitty